It’s been quite a long time since I’ve seen the sun. In the past few weeks, it’s been raining hard that makes the place so gloomy, which I hate. But now, the sun is up and it’s scorching hot—and I love it. I don’t care how high the temperature is but I missed this. I missed staring at my window trying to recall all my happy thoughts while feeling the breeze of fresh air.
As I glance at my window in my room, I saw two girls happily chatting about something while walking home.
And then I remember something—something that’s been bugging me since high school.
I am trustworthy. My friends back then always keep on running by my side because they think that I am the right person to talk to. They tell me their problems and some, even dirty secrets. At first, I don’t know why every person in school seeks my advice. I don’t know why they always share their stories to me—maybe because I was known as the quietest girl in school? Maybe. Maybe not. But now, I know the answer—it’s because you can count on me. And I can assure you that.
I am the type of person who easily trusts people. When someone says something to me, I’d definitely believe it and have no other second thoughts. What they say, for me is true. And what I say to them will stay and will never cross the line. That’s what I believed.
In high school, we meet different people who we’ll spend the four years of our secondary level—some will become are friends and some will be haters. Through those hundreds of people that we meet, there is this one person that will catch our attention.
It was our screening for the school paper when I saw this cute boy. At first, I was just amazed how nice his smile is but as time passed, I recognize everything he does. I’ve heard so many things about him from my classmates and our schoolmates from higher years. He’s the batch valedictorian in their school. He’s also very active in extracurricular activities. I’ve admired him since then, until our second year in high school.
Every time my friends and I talk about crushes, there was no moment that I confessed that he’s my crush. I always mention different names so that they wouldn’t be able to tease me if they have the chance. I held that secret for so long until I met another group of friends. They forced me to tell who my crush is and they promised that it will never be out. I believe in our saying what you see, what you hear, when you go leave it here. So I spilled it out.
How much do I know them? Are they worthy of my trust?
After a week or so, I noticed something. Things we were before turned out differently. It’s like there’s a gap between us. The way they look at me freaks me out. I was paranoid that time that I don’t even know a single thing what was happening. And then a friend told me “Alam na ng buong class na crush mo si ano. Sabi pa nga nila, patay na patay ka daw sakanya.” After hearing that, it feels like I was betrayed. My mind was blank and all I can think about is to escape this world. I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout. I just wanted to throw a chair in his face and put his big-holed socks in the mouth of that assuming-feeler-monster-in denial gay for him to shut up. But then I thought, what for? It’ll never change the situation because it already happened. I cannot turn back the time. It’ll just make the situation worst. Besides, I will not level myself with that kind of person.
But who are them to make fun of you? Who are them to treat you like you’ve done something disgusting? They’re such hypocrites. Everyone has no right to do such especially if you don’t know the real story.
I was wrong. I learned that trusting the wrong people is a matter of life and death. You can trust somebody but you can never trust everybody.
The ones I thought will help me all along are the ones who pulled me down.
“Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who’s extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is broken.”—Dr Phil’s personality test revealed what kind of person I am.
Forgiving them is easy but being able to trust them again is a different story. In spite of what happened to me, I still trust others, but this time, wisely.
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